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Subject: Laughter, the best medicine Date: Tue, 27 Jul 1999 23:07:08 -0500 GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION: Name:______________ Stage name:________________ Agent:______________ Attorney:____________Publicist_________________ Sex: ___Male ___Female ___Formerly Male ___Formerly Female If female, indicate breast implant size: ____ Wil the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operatea motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___ Please list brand of cel phone: __________________.
(If you don't own a cel phone, please explain.) Please check hair color: Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check al that apply) [ ] Eating [ ] Applying make-up [ ] Talking on the phone [ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat [ ] Having sex [ ] Applying cel ulite treatment to thighs [ ] Tanning [X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application) [ ] Watching TV [ ] Reading Variety [ ] Surfing the net via laptop Please indicate how many times: a) you expect to shoot at other drivers, and b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving.
TEST If you are the victim of a car jacking, you should immediately: a) Cal the police to report the crime; b) Cal Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your caron the news in a high-speed chase; c) Cal your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cel ularphone company for 911 cal not going through; d) Cal your therapist; e) None of the above (South Central residents only).
In the event of an earthquake, should you: a) stop your car, b) keep driving and hope for the best, c) immediately use your cel phone to cal al loved ones, or d) pul out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4? In the instance of rain, you should: a) never drive over 5 MPH, b) drive twice as fast as usual, or c) you're not sure what "rain" is.
Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ____.
Are you presently taking any of the fol owing medications? a) Prozac; b) Zovirax; c) Lithium; d) Xanax; e) Valium.
If none, please explain: __________________.
Length of daily commute: a) 1 hour; b) 2 hours; c) 3 hours; d) 4 hours or more.
When stopped by police, should you a) pul over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready, b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405, c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit? ******************** Please turn in your test to the lady behind the bul etproof windowon your left.
SUBJECT: SOUTH CAROLINA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION Last name: _____________________ First name: (Check appropriate box) [ ] Bil y-Bob [ ] Bil y-Joe [ ] Bil y-Ray [ ] Bil y-Sue [ ] Bil y-Mae [ ] Bil y-Jack [ ] Bobby-Sue [ ] Bobby-Jo [ ] Bobby-Ann [ ] Bobby-Lee [ ] Bobby-El en [ ] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue Age: ____ (if unsure, guess) Sex: ____ M ____ F ____ Not sure Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: [ ] Farmer [ ] Mechanic [ ] Hair Dresser [ ] Waitress [ ] Unemployed [ ] Dirty Politician Spouse's Name: _________________________ 2nd Spouse's Name: _________________________ 3rd Spouse's Name: _________________________ Lover's Name: _________________________ 2nd Lover's Name: _________________________ Relationship with spouse: (check al that apply) [ ] Sister [ ] Brother [ ] Mother [ ] Father [ ] Cousin [ ] Aunt [ ] Uncle [ ] Son [ ] Daughter [ ] Pet Number of children living in household: ____ Number of children living in shed: ____ Number of children that are yours: ____ Mother's Name: _________________________ (If not sure, leaveblank) Father's Name: _________________________ (If not sure, leaveblank) Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) Do you [ ] own or [ ] rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box) Vehicles you own and where you keep them: ___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks Firearms you own and where you keep them: ___ truck ___ kitchen ___ bedroom ___ bathroom ___ shed Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194__ Do you have a gun rack? [ ] Yes [ ] No If no, please explain: ___________________________ Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: [ ] The National Inquirer [ ] The Globe [ ] TV Guide [ ] Soap Opera Digest [ ] Rifle and Shotgun ___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO ___ Number of times you've been on Jerry Springer How often do you bathe: [] Weekly [ ] Monthly [ ] Not Applicable How many teeth do you have? ____ Color of teeth: [ ] Yellow [ ] Brownish-Yel ow [ ] Brown [ ] Black [ ] Not Applicable Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: [ ] Red-Man [ ] Copenhagen How far is your home from a paved road? [ ] 2 miles [ ] 3 miles [ ] don't know

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