Microsoft word - rethink sample script.docx

SAMPLE SCRIPT LAYOUT: ‘Diagnostic Café’ ‘Diagnostic Café’
PARTICIPANT NUMBER: 007* (*example only)
PARTICIPANT ID. By not telling the judges your name/s we ensure that judging remains impartial. As RETHiNK Script Consultant, Adam is not a judge – so only Adam will know who you are. To the judges, you’re a mysterious number. They’re judging your script – not you. ☺ Duration – 10 minutes
Genre – Comedy Skit
It's so easy to get a diagnosis of mental illness nowadays isn't it - well don't be afraid, come into a warm, welcoming cafe where everything on the menu comes with a free side (effect). Cast/ Characters (2 – female and/or male)
WAITER Female or male. A professional. An adult of no given age.
(Wardrobe suggestion – waiters uniform/apron.) CAFÉ/RESTAURANT PATRON Female or male. An adult of no given age.
Setting – Restaurant or cafe.
Props – 1xTable. 1xChair. 1xMenu. Table setting. A bowl of pears.
Notes to the Director:
This script was originally written for a female waiter and a male patron - however it is okay to change the sex according to the actors available. Please feel free to adapt the script as required and alter wording to suit actors of either sex. Although written for adults it could be played by actors of any age. In other words – feel free to interpret as you see fit. ☺ SAMPLE SCRIPT LAYOUT: ‘Diagnostic Café’ LIGHTS UP…
The Waiter is setting table humming “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”
The Patron interrupts Waiter’s song at the last chorus;
Um – Excuse me, but I’m not sure if I have found the right place… is this the (READING FLYER) “Diagnostic Café”?
Ah, yes. Good evening, Sir. We have been expecting you. Your The Waiter shows the Patron to his seat at the table and hands him a menu.
The Waiter then disappears off stage.
(CALLING OUT AFTER THE WAITER) Actually, I’ve just come
straight from my Psychiatrist. I happened to mention that I was a bit peckish just now, and he said to come straight over. (EYEING
SUSPICIOUSLY.) I have no idea why he recommended this
The Waiter returns – now wearing an apron.
SAMPLE SCRIPT LAYOUT: ‘Diagnostic Café’ The Waiter places a bowl of peanuts on the table.
Ah, actually - I’m allergic to nuts. Waiter:
Have you had a chance to look at the menu sir? Yes. The “Bipolar Buffet” sounds intriguing. Is it a heavy meal? Waiter:
It is our most popular three-course banquet, Sir. The Entrée tonight is “Feelings of Grandiosity.” Patron:
Sounds delicious. And the Main Course? Waiter:
For Main you have a choice: “Elevated Mood Swings,” accompanied by “Sleepless Nights.” Or a pit of despair served with an inferiority complex. And for dessert, the ‘Pièce de résistance’ - a disinherited shopping spree. SAMPLE SCRIPT LAYOUT: ‘Diagnostic Café’ Patron:
No Sir. Lethargy and weight gain are only the side dishes… Patron:
Is it possible to ask the kitchen if I could just have the lethargy, Waiter:
I’m afraid they’re mashed together. Patron:
Ahhh. In that case, what about this dish from the specials list… (THE PATRON POINTS TO THE MENU) “E.C.T.” What’s that?
Oh yes, I can highly recommend that, I only just had it last night. Patron:
Excellent, and what does it comprise of? A long pause while the Waiter struggles to remember…
Ummm. Sorry, I can’t recall, Sir. Patron:
Probably best leave that one then. What about this? “Lithium”? SAMPLE SCRIPT LAYOUT: ‘Diagnostic Café’ Certainly sir. 100 millilitres or 100 micrograms? Oh! Pill sounds good. Does it come with any sides? Yes, in fact it comes with quite a list of complimentary side orders: Incontinence, vertigo, hypothyroidism, insomnia, drowsiness, diarrhoea, somnolence, nausea, dizziness, convulsions, amnesia, apathy, constipation, hostility, anxiety, tinnitus, palpitation, agitation, hypersomnia, myalgia, heart SAMPLE SCRIPT LAYOUT: ‘Diagnostic Café’ Oh, don’t worry about that one. It’s hardly ever available anyway. Alright then. I think I might stick to the Bipolar Buffet. Certainly Sir. Elevated Mood Swings, or Pit of Despair? Oh, definitely the Elevated Mood Swings. Thanks. Of course, Sir. And something to drink from our cocktail list Yes. What about the… (THE PATRON READS FROM THE
MENU) “Screaming Benzo”?
Well, it packs quite a punch, but you might find it knocks you out SAMPLE SCRIPT LAYOUT: ‘Diagnostic Café’ May I suggest the “Venlafaxine Fizz”? Yes – I’ve had that before actually, it was very nice. But I only like the “Pfizer” brand, no generics please. Very well then. I’ll have one of those as well. The Waiter makes to exit, but the Patron calls her back.
Waiter? Just one more thing. What’s with the fruit on the table? Oh… those are compliments of Mind and Body Consultants. All our meals come with complimentary “PEAR” support. Lights Down…


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